Love and Hate.

Today's been a hard day.
I know i said that in my last post.

So my daily colored doodle is a little on the sadder side.
But honest none-the-less.

I'm wondering who else could understand this statement. I know i can't be alone in the boat, yet i wish i was. It would be silly to think i was though. I truly wish we ALL understood what beautiful, talented people we were.

I'm learning it more every day.
And i hope you are too.

Much Love,
Jenipher :]

Life..among other things...

Still working through my "self worth" issues. You see, it's funny...i thought that my issues were purely complication only within myself. But this weekend, i realized that they linger in my business as well.

While having a trunk show at one of my favorite galleries, i realized that i ended up losing money because i undercharged for a hand full of items. Which is quite silly. I wrote down all the prices, but when people approached me, i clammed up and blurted out a different [sometimes MUCH lower] number instead.

I don't know why i do this. I know i am not the most talented person in the whole world, but i do in fact know I AM talented. I just wish i let myself know that more often.

Do any of you battle your self worth? Especially those who are artists?

Ohhh yes i do. My jewelry, YOUR ARTWORK, they aren't YOU. You created them yes, but they do not SCREAM your self worth. If someone doesn't purchase or even like your work, it IS NOT a personal attack! In fact, it has NOTHING to do with you.

You are not your art! You are NOTNOTNOTNOTNOTNOT.

::enter dramatic sigh:: ;)

You are so valuable! I hope you know it!
Smiles and blessings to all,
Jenipher :D

Realization; The Self Analyzing Blog.

It's been a really rough month for me. I've felt completely disconnected, hallow and genuinely confused. Standing as a greeter at work can be kind of a bummer, but gives you time to think during the slow hours. So, I've had a lot of time to think through, [or should i say, over analyze] many characteristics i never even realized i processed. Today was a turning point though, I'm in a much better mood today, and am ready to write about all of the things i have recently learned about myself.


* Living alone for this long, is really unhealthy. [For Me]

* It's hard to convince someone not to be a pessimist, when you are partially one yourself.

* That i must be a broken record to Lindsey, Dan, Yolli, and my mom.

* That my first instinct when anyone wants to get to close to me is to run away.

* How predictable I am. I had no idea.
* At work, everyone had to show me this new cupcake apron because they thought of me.
* Two different co-workers brought two different tops to show me, both are tops that i already wanted.

* That i give myself constant guilt trips.

* Everyone wants to think of themselves as different special, unique.
[I know I'm guilty. But, while we're all trying hard to distinguish ourselves, we're really just proving we're just like everyone else]

* That i break into different dialects often.

* That I'd rather hurt, then hurt someone.

* That i work so hard, and still feel like I'm not deserving of spending any money on myself.

* How much i really love tea.

* That i despise when people walk into a store I'm working in and have the nerve to tell me that "this is easy to make" or "ohh honey look at this, you can make this". Keep your comments to yourself your horrid people!

* How uncomfortable I still am with almost all situations involving alcohol.

* That Birthdays are generally a time to reflect on all of the things you didn't accomplish, false hope and disappointment.
[cynical i know, but truthful for me]